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Rumour of Angels

October 4, 2009

I saw this picture ‘Rumour of Angels’ today in Zee Studio and knew instantly in my heart, what i barely see or perceive in my mind is actually true. This movie could be a fiction, still it is made by someone for those someones who have this faith. I cried when Maddy died. Like she says, each has a diff way with messages – many miss those signs coz they are not principally looking for them in the first place. Those with open eyes and sensitive nature like me could feel this – barely, very barely like a whisper of the lightest wind.

I donno why we (those like me) are all so hung up on our (dead) parents, our roots, things like that…. For me personally it is a never-ending journey in search of my parents’ souls….

Sometimes my aunt asks me, ‘u can still never accept me as ur mom, can u?’ At times like these i feel bad, so ungrateful, but that’s the truth isn’t it? How can I? My parents left an unfinished business for which i still have not found a closure. It is not easy for me to find it either. After so many years, i still feel it is hanging – and know i will never get over it like my sister has done.

My heart goes out to the little boy in the movie James – i have gone through that phase too. I wonder whether atleast the boy has a sense of closure – the film is vague on this.

We all (i mean those like me) goes thro’ phases like that – denial first, then the truth hitting merciless, then the terrible hopeless miserable feeling, then even envy sometimes for happier families!

I donno how others will like this subject matter, but today it took me by complete surprise (zee studio actually specialises in romances i thought). It is a very touchy & sensitive subject – and if u wanna believe it, u can see the truth in it as i have done.

I still believe my dad is around – but believe my mother’s mission got over with that 2003 final appearance. One might laugh at this – but ask anyone who has lost a parent in childhood, he/she will agree with me….Coz no parent will do that to a child – no parent will abandon a child like that even in death…

Yes, still i have moved on in life, will be moving on always – but after my 2 or 3 so called ‘sign’ experience as i would call them (can’t go into details – but that’s what i call them), now i am alert for anymore, if only there be. I have not got one in many days now.  This picture makes me think of that.

We are living in the 21st century, and i am devout by nature, so how is it possible for me to think like this? This is a question that haunts me too… I am educated enough to logically reason out anything & everything…. But things like these, i find myself strangely accepting…… Like i said, only those who have/had lost a parent/both parents in childhood will know….

PS: what’s growing up without a parent is? it is like a stigma/a handicap (whenever i was introduced to someone in my school days, always these were the opening words ‘she’s motherless.’ Immediately a wave of smothering sympathy would follow, enough to drown u into another sea of misery)

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