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A good husband is like a jackpot for a woman…

May 18, 2011

Seen some women end up with scumbags for husbands – not necessarily alcoholics/drug addicts/gamblers/womanizers but far worse than that – utterly selfish, cunning, loveless even suspicious in extreme cases… so i know what it is for a woman to beget a good husband in life… a good husband is like a lucky jackpot for a woman – enviable and unthinkable to most others; when the husband is good, one need not have to pay heed even to his house/family/people… so long as the man is good, its a life worth living and defending for…

I don’t know what else any woman may want out of life.  Like most girls, i too wanted to become a doctor when i was a little girl.  A high achiever, its what my parents wanted for me.  After my mom passed away and i realised what is it to have a proper home, my ambition in life totally changed.   We had what we called ‘Cumulative Records’ in our school where every year, we put in lots of personal info’ along with height, weight and vaccinations – things like parents’ income, siblings, life ambition, curricular interests etc.   In my 9th class record i re-wrote my ambition as ‘becoming a teacher in future.’    From std 6, 7, 8 it was a drastic shift.   My teacher called me to change it but i refused.  I wanted to tell her, ‘all i want to do is get married to a good man, set up a warm home and get a dozen kids.’   But i did not want to shock my Class Miss, so i said, i wanted to become a teacher like my mother who was no more.   Reluctantly she closed the records.  Not that teaching was any inferior profession but the sudden scaling down of my ambition was there glaring at us from my records.
Somehow i think i can read the face of most men today to some accuracy. hahahahaha (good guesswork!)
When i see tired lines creasing a good man’s face. it troubles me.  Men after all, atleast a majority of them, are like jack fruits – tough on the exterior, but very soft at heart.   Very easy to please a man too….No man, for instance, craves for a 5 star platter at home – all it takes is a warm cuppa on his bed side a wife can wake him up with plus a big smile or a quick meal you can whip up with leftovers when he is famished most ….   That speaks a volume of where really a man’s heart lies….   Most uncomplicated creatures – thats what i have to say about men when compared to women… mostly not jealous, happy-go-lucky, broad-minded, generous,  genial natured…and with a good sense of humour….   I know, because, that’s how even my son is growing up right now, the young man he is…   Thats how i would describe a good but imperfect (!) man !   (I don’t believe in 100% perfect men)  (not that we women are 100% perfect either, now are we?)
To make a man happy is the easiest thing to do on earth if you ask me….. How many men really notice our lipstick or nail polish or our sandals or our handbag?   A real man looks far deeper than all this superficiality  – he knows where to peek into: a woman’s eyes and heart and intellect.  As a woman who has won some lifelong secret male admirers (!) i can vouch for this!    Its a very subtle thing that escapes ordinary eyes.   An alert man never misses the signs and so does an alert woman.
Sensitive women like me, similarly, look for that elusive warmth in men that distinguishes them from a horde of others and sets them apart.  A man with a good intellect and charm is a big boon.   Add to that some spicy wit – that completes an ideal man.   A dash of success makes such a man irresistible (but not necessary – i don’t wanna stereo-type men; i like good men whether or not they have tasted success)!   Women who are married to such men are luckiest in the world if you ask me.  Yes, mine is one such a man.   Like i said, just because i own a Picasso, should i not look at a Michaelangelo?!   I have a trophy husband i know – and i know one when i look at one as well…
MEN AND THEIR INSECURITY:  This is a reality women have  to face and come to terms with – men lack that 100% supreme confidence in life like Superman,  the way we women like to believe.   My husband feels most insecure when i am down and sick – its not that he does not care, its just that he is SCARED.   He values me that much – as simple as that.
Another insecurity thats common with men is about their job/finance condition.    Its the duty of a wife to boost a man’s self-confidence.  Multiple times my H has tendered resignation letters on impulse without consulting me  – he would coolly come back and tell me he just resigned.  I would say, ‘no problem.  we will see what comes next.’  100% he has also been called back by his bosses.   Even if they don’t i don’t bother.   My husband’s comfortability factor is most important to me over anything.   He should be at liberty to leave or quit at his ease – so i keep our liabilities always to manageable levels.   I don’t burden him with excess baggage.
MALE PRIDE:  Lies in showing off his wife as a good home-minister first :   as a sensible loving life partner,  as a dutiful daughter-in-law in the family, a good mother to his children.    Other qualifications are like added bonus.
Here is a confidential strange case – a real life story:
There is someone whose husband was not into ‘marital obligations’ from day 1.   Where can a woman go with that sort of problem?   Instead of filing for divorce, this woman cultivated patience, discussed with specialists and friends, read books and found a harmless way to change her man – without at the same time hurting him in any way or wounding his male pride.  Most of all she accepted her destiny and learned to love her husband for what he is (they had an arranged marriage). Until today one has to see the respectful and loving way she treats her husband with in front of others.   And importantly, no one else KNOWS.     How many times do you think she would have gone through the IVF procedure.  I don’t know the count – i stopped asking…  
Said the woman to those who suggested divorce on grounds of non consummation of marriage:  ‘I love the man – not his body; i can live with or without his child in our life.  I am mentally prepared for that.  I will never leave this good man.’
Proud of my girl really whose name i cannot disclose.    
Ofcourse this is one in a million story.  You cannot find another like this anywhere on earth.
Most men i guess have very simple and basic needs, are easily satisfiable, modest and respectful toward wife’s family/others in general.     All it takes a woman to tame her man is: loads of love; a husband is as pettable and huggable like a BEAR !   Men like cozy things like wife clipping their toe nails, shampooing them (!) – there are immense techniques to weave our way to our man’s heart,  equally fun for both.    Why not let our husbands live pampered like a king in their own homes, within 4 walls?
Ofcourse, there is the next mind level connection.  Home meals, books, even watching cricket matches on tv together will bind us close.  I personally prefer long walks in beach – now a luxury to us.
Sharing common responsibilities like kids and finance and caring for/nursing aged parents  takes the relationship to a third level – comes with maturity.   
One basic vital thing for a wife to take care of is: THE PARENTS OF YOUR HUSBAND.  NO MAN LOVES A WIFE WHO CANNOT LOVE OR CARE FOR HIS PARENTS ENOUGH.   We do have MIL-DIl problems at home, but i don’t neglect my MIL ever.  My husband trusts me when it comes to his mom.  He knows his mother is in good hands – with me.
MOTIVATION:  Its not an exaggeration when they say, there is a woman behind every successful man.  Aware of quite a few of success stories of men  who have been egged on by their wives.   Its as much a wife’s responsibility to identify the hidden potential in her husband and drive him towards accomplishment of greater goals.  New heights can be touched, new peaks can be scaled – if there is the Will and if there is the Way.  But there is a limit to everything.   Lets not overdo it.  Our men’s health – physical and mental, is far more important to us over everything else.
Wives must be stress relievers for husbands – not stress-givers.   Stress at home will reflect in their work.
An intelligent woman would rather prefer her man in the driver seat and be content relaxing in his company than try taking over the wheel by herself.   We have a majority of working women/wives over home makers even in India today, still as someone who has had a working mom in an era when it was not fashionable to have one, i sense, its best to let your man feel he is in charge of affairs always (even if its you in truth 🙂 )  Male ego is fragile – and it helps to keep that fresh in mind.   With the pocket money my parents left for me every month, i can ofcourse shop for clothes and jewelery but i always let my husband know/feel I have a life thanks to him.
A LIFE COMPANION LIKE NONE OTHER:   Physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically (even spiritually for some) – who can see to and satisfy a man’s needs like a wife can?    If there is no such a receptacle in a wife for a husband, where can a man seek an outlet for relief?   Good men learn to rein in their emotions, exercising strict self- control.
A good man albeit with a little imperfection, deserves 100% happiness if you ask me.  To become his next mother in life, is a wife’s foremost duty.   In fact we wives are a step ahead of mothers.   We know our men’s vulnerability like not even their mothers do – we know their pleasure points and what aches their heart…  Only a wife is bestowed with such a privilege in life ever – and a wife’s role thus supersedes in a way even a mother’s role.   Its a shame if such an intimacy with our man – our husband, is not fully exploited.   I would squarely place the blame only on the woman’s shoulder.   
Its never too late to change – a fine husband,  a warm man, a good man – is WORTH GIVING UP EVERYONE ELSE AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE FOR – TO BE CHERISHED, CELEBRATED LIKE A TROPHY.
Its not fair, such a good man must be unhappy.
Finally have you read Sudha Narayanamoorthy’s love story?  Wife of the Infosys Founder Narayanamurthy who is now a global icon, Sudha is a classic inspiration for modern urban women who need to delicately balance  their professional life alongwith family life.

From → Bharatiya Naari

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