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Emotionally shut-out men…

July 11, 2014


Finished reading ’50 Shades of Grey’ in Doha when I chanced upon this terminology ’emotionally-shut’ ( i mean closed people). (the book review remains, oh what a crap. do i need this now). Using it here to refer to men – men of a kind (?!) Incredibly, ‘names’ do perk up in our mind when we come across some special ‘linguistics’ (one more credit to the book).

Women are kind of made special – like glass. Fragile at heart. Interestingly a host of us women rate ourselves equal to men in most ways but we know where our differences lie. Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars, no wonder we are the way we are.

For a human being to pass through the evolution of emotional cycle, there are stages and tests to be crossed over in life. I would mark each 5 year period in our life as a separate self-sufficient segment that grows and merges into the personality we are. In each 5 years, we undergo biological, psychological and spiritual changes that could turn us self-contradictory. We could come to reverse our ideologies and judgement, we could go back on our words, we could break our vows or we could simply ‘move on.’ For women, this change is all too pronounced – the whole world knows the way our biological clock keeps ticking loud and clear.

I knew the power of emotion for the first time when I took my 20 day newborn son for vaccination (BCG) very many years back. My BIL is our doc. The mere sight of the needle got me shaking and weeping. Ended up screaming and wailing more than my baby LOLZ. Each vaccination was a nightmare – first for me than my unsuspecting infant. So I was ordered out of the room and my co-sis would hold my son out of my view when administering any shots.

Coming to terms with overpowering emotions: tough on women. Men remain objective when for women every issue is subjective.

We think we conquer all emotions and I was under the impression that I had retained my sanity through the ups and downs of life and emerged a winner – until my son happened. And then the emotions went for a spin, nothing like it was ever with my parents. All that  mattered until a day before  were of no consequence one fine morning… Emotions of a different kind like I never knew before, took me hostage and ever since I am happily this life prisoner…

Every mother can identify with emotions I speak of. Emotions that make us weak in our knees. Every woman who has felt a life kicking in her womb can vouch for my word.

Emotions make us women a different species inscrutable to men – cold men. We girls reserve some special vocabulary even for those among us who are born indifferent to emotions: we call them ‘cold bitches!’ or simply ‘cold fish.’ And if we are married for long, we know who are warm, who are frozen like iceberg (frigid), who can never be worked upon, who can be programmed (!) and by whom(!) This is the ingenuity in some sensitive women – we know someone right away for what he/she is. Call it ‘wisdom’ or ‘experience’ whatever.


One of these days when son (surprisingly) drove me out somewhere, I was witness to him stopping and swearing (just like every other male homosapien). “Veetla sollittu vandhiya?’ he shouted at a biker (have you informed your folks (that you won’t be returning home?!)).

Kind of shocked, I admonished my boy for his use of abusive language. Also all ears to men in my family addressing their friends ‘naaye’ (kuthe) in ‘Whatsapp’ or mobile phone or whatever. ‘Boys will be boys’ is what I am told. This ‘naaye’ (kuthe) is endearment?!

Do you think I can ever shout at a motorist in the road the way my son does or address my friend the way my husband does with his buddy, in a 1000 years?  None of us women can. And its not the profane language that I am referring to, rather its the body language.

Boys are boys true. Visited an Oncologist with my aunt. After waiting for over 1.30 hours, we got to see the doctor for our appointment. My aunt has had a double mastectomy. There are some problems and she is advised a second opinion with a new surgeon. The doctor who can’t be over 55, had mischief twinkling in his eyes. He spent a whole 10 minutes going through the patient file. “Who is the patient, you?’ was his direct question to me that threw me aback  – the patient age was clearly mentioned in bold, page to page in the entire report  and on file top. I signaled to my aunt and he asked the nurse to prepare her for examination all the time grinning. Poring over the records, he was talking to me, not to my aunt even for a second. So boys will be boys whatever they are, wherever they are – including in dull listless hospital OP rooms, looks like. My poor aunt never got the hint (if she did, she did not show it). Hopefully the two staff nurse/technician didn’t either.

Or is this what we call in Facebook ‘Poking.’

What an insensitive but clever mind.

Do not want to mention the place. There was this potluck dinner at friends’ where all of us girls (meaning middle-aged women/wives) went sleeveless. A friends’ husband remarked, ‘looking at the way our women are flaunting, even I am tempted to rape.’ Some 6 of us girls froze to the spot. This is a man, a highly successful executive with a happy family, remarking on us women for our clothes. That evening, some of us felt like we had been physically violated. One of the worst public humiliations of Indian women, if I can say that. And what about the wife the man never thought about. The girl lost her face among friends, will it ever be the same for her once again with us? How can we ever stay family friends after this. Yet the menfolk at the dinner never thought anything was amiss or improper. Their argument (later on in private) was that we girls were exaggerating, reading too much into a supposedly ‘harmless’ interlude, making mountains out of molehill. ‘Just a joke, leave it at that’ we were told, ‘don’t complicate matters.’

What men can so easily shrug off will remain unforgettable for some of us women for lifetime.


There are many shades of Grey among men – not essentially like EL James’ Christian in every way. Greys of various hues, so cold & frigid, so unemotional, so insensitive, so very annoyingly mocking! (So what can be done with them to tune them in. Impregnate them hahaha ROFL !!! – let them become bundles of nerves, bundles of emotion 🙂 )

These are men who are bereft of emotions, incapable of dealing with emotions – emotion means love first and foremost. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Emotions erupt when love gets overwhelming. Men are like emotionless islands because men are basically commitment-phobic?

The mother in me surfaces even when I am looking at a puppy or an elephant calf. Animals are far better than human, no way inferior. Being compared to lowly humans is the worst way to insult animals. Imagine a world without wildlife, can you? LOVE ANIMALS PLEASE! ESPECIALLY ELEPHANTS & COWS.


‘Curry Leaf’ is not meant to be my biography – although invariably some personal anecdotes creep into the posts.  Incapable of writing anything other than from first person point of view. My world is very small. Earlier this was a private blog, so I kind of poured out my heart. Now it is not any more and I have gone public – that I must keep in mind.

Blogging not for recognition or for impressing anyone. Not at all fishing for sympathy. If that is what my posts imply, then I guess i will have to change my natural style. Blogging for a sense of relief, a sense of fulfillment.

No offence to anyone under any circumstances.

Life is like this train journey. People get in at various stations and people get out all the time. ‘Rail sneham’ – train friendship is unique especially in long overnight trips – in the journey of our life. We don’t know how long we will have company, but I am enjoying the present, taking a day at a time.

There are things in life we can never share with a soul – not with our spouse, not with our best friends, with none. Brings a smile to my face 🙂 – a girl’s own little secrets…

It is unfair to compare anyone to Christian Grey but for whatever reasons, I find myself comparing ‘some men’ to Grey 🙂 Emotion is the reason I guess – or the lack of it.

Oh this is sheer fun!!!



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