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My Blog My Private Space Once Again….

December 10, 2016

My blog is private once again as it used to be for years. I could be the world’s first amateur blogger who knows. I was writing up my mind in’ India times’ blog even as early as in 1999. And guess who could have been my first online friend and reader of my earliest blog? Today if I am neutral, it helps that I happened to meet one single GOOD HEART even if only in the virtual world that came from a wrong place. That taught me the greatest lesson of my life: NEVER GENERALIZE. Good and bad exist everywhere. I would rather not prefer to remember the Malaysian Indian tragic story. Everytime I think about my Malaysian days, I try to remember my Malay muslim friend who drove me to a Shakthi temple in Kemaman, and waited with me for a darshan. From Penang she would drive back all the way getting me vegetarian goodies (kuihs). Clad in shorts and sleeveless t-shirts she would be refused food in most Malay restaurants that made her furious. A couple of my husband’s Chinese friends similarly never forgot to get me nice things to eat on regularly. That I did not touch meat seemed to affect them kind of. My Malaysian Tamil brother used to get me fresh dahi made with cow’s milk – not the yoghurt made with milk powder sold in supermarkets – from Seremban which was/is heavily populated with Tamils in Malaysia. These are little little things in our day-to-day life but they go on to build a big impressive pyramid of what you may define as ‘humanity.’ If you have lived in such a paradise that cuts across religion and race, you will know what humanity is all about.

Having resided in two different countries apart from India, I am thus blessed to see the goodness in other people: christians and muslims, europeans, americans, africans and asians. There is no way we can subscribe to any stereotype view on anyone.

After nearly 18 years of blogging, it is time perhaps to sing ‘Jana Gana Mana.’ After all, it is mandatory to play the national anthem even in cinemas now.

Downing the curtains all at once is difficult for me. You see: blogging is my 18 year habit. Like smoking. Addictive. I can only give it up in stages. Eventually I may come out of it totally.

There are books to distract myself, and I am basically spiritual. My spirituality has only taught me to love everyone. I never find happiness in seeing the proudest people humbled. Let the proud people stay proud. It does not make me rejoice when the infallible have to fall from their lofty pedestals. Vengeance and hatred are not for me. Hatred in the sense, my kind of hatred is like a strong disapproval, nothing more. It is not for us to punish or reprimand anyone.

I am giving up blogging because I have lost trust in humanity. You may think I am grieving for Jayalalitha Jayaram, the slain (?) chief minister of my home state Tamil Nadu, but the real reason is far deeper than what meets the eye. It is the acute sense of betrayal that grips my heart and tears it to a thousand pieces, the cunning and deception that is trying to manipulate and deceive the masses of Tamil Nadu.

I can say this much: NOT IN A 1000 YEARS ANYONE MAY WIN A TAMIL HEART. MAY BE BY FORCE THEY CAN TAKE OVER US IN THE PHYSICAL SENSE, MAY BE BY BACK DOOR ENTRY THEY CAN CONTROL US, BUT NEVER NEVER IN HONEST UPRIGHT MANNER FACE TO FACE.

Jayalalitha was beloved to the masses, others can only buy respect through FEAR. The greatest GOD GIVEN PUNISHMENT TO SOME POLITICAL HEAVYWEIGHTS IS THAT, THEY CAN RULE BY FEAR BUT NEVER BY LOVE. YOU WILL NEVER, NEVER BE LOVED. AND THIS IS YOUR CURSE. That’s it. But may be you may not know what you have just lost, because you are born handicapped to sense what is love.

With Amma dies the Indian democracy, the elected mandate of Tamil Nadu. With Amma died something so spirited in me I cannot describe in words. Probably it has least to do with Amma, more to do with integrity. A wrong to right a wrong is UNJUSTIFIED. We are not living in Mahabharatha days. This is why A MAJORITY OF HINDUS NEVER SUPPORTED TRUMP. I have never. There is something called basic human decency. If you have it, you won’t call Trump your kind of man or friend.

Unlike Amma, i would like to live a little longer – for the sake of my family. I want to be the grand mother my mother could not be to my son. I want to grow old with my husband, the way my mother and father could not together. This is why I am giving up blogging. There is no more reason to continue when the basic trust you have placed on humanity is broken and you have been betrayed and back-stabbed like you never would have imagined… If I go on blogging, I might end up writing controversial posts that I can’t help… I am choosing the safer, wiser option. that’s all.  I have been critical of journalists, I understand their delicate predicament now. First of all you have to remain alive to write. Other things can wait.

I don’t think I will be missed anyway…. I am merely a speck, a dust particle in this vast universe.

Hurts so much…. something in me just snapped…. and I don’t think it will be alright ever again for most of us in Tamil Nadu. Truth has a way of surfacing always. A 1000 LIES WHEN REPEATED AGAIN AND AGAIN WILL NOT BECOME THE ONE SINGLE ELUSIVE TRUTH.

Satyameva Jayathe!

SAYING GOOD BYE IS NEVER EASY. NEVERTHELESS…. GOOD BYE.

 

 

 

 

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